My God experience

I want to say I am truly happy. my Creative Writing class professor thoroughly enjoyed my poem and said she enjoyed it, the most generous praise she has given thus far for any sharing.

Here it is. it's an untitled poem.

My God experience
Has been a cold silence

He supposedly lives in my heart
But I only heard of His silhouette's facade

I've become a ravaging soul
In a protruding hole

I’m drowning ashore
On a dry downpour

I'm flying on the ground
I'm jumping sitting down

Praying the game of God
Hoping to be blessed by the Lord

He is emptiness fulfilled
He is loneliness curfewed

Abide for you can’t hide
Submit or burn in the heat

In Him I am a perfect error!
And us in Him, that very unique factor

And because his story transcends
The future sucks till the end.

-

I’ve been through the days I cannot sleep if I do not read the bible and pray.
I’ve been through the days I was the only one at the altar with many staring at me crying my eyes out to You.
I’ve been through the days I literally cannot stand and slain in the lightness of Your ‘presence’.
I’ve been through the days I was addicted to You.

I’ve also been through the days, days you were not there at all.
I’ve been through the days I realized I was talking to the wall.
I’ve been through the days I laugh at my ritualistic religious repertoire
I’ve been through the days I give up and don’t give a damn anymore.

Then there would be the withdrawal symptoms.
The ravaging guilt,
The soul searching,
The repenting,
The return,
The peak,
The backslide,
The indifference
and then the repeat of sequence.

-

This is not me being easy.
It is not easy being me.

This complex is not me trying to get attention.
It is me trying to get attention on this complex.

a letdown

the moment comes
between
the expectation


fear
only felt.

re:

i hear your thoughts.
i have it too and just like you, i also feel like im alone on this
we are not alone, just separated by life
separated by the same reasons
forever by the same institutions
life has its way of being.
we meet if we will.
fate leave it as is.
because pursuing will more often than not,
make us look like desperate losers wont we?
which you are conscious of it i reckon
yes you are.
i apologize if i didn't take your advances seriously
i was under negative peer pressure from close friends
who, i know, have the very same sentiments
wishing they were me. you.

whatever deep you know
whatever dark you really are
i hear your thoughts
and we will be

fucking fingerprints

it lay on the trackpad, a fingerprint.
like a ridged reminder of a time rendered into indifference.
a fingerprint of a dark demon demented damned doom?
hell no.
beautiful malicious and unanswerable design.
everyday
a death sentence.

evolve

never grasped the way they put it
never knew their longing pursuit
never see why it iss such a big deal
never felt the way they really feel
it's just one thing, nothing to me,
but it's the world to them ultimately.
is there something within me, amiss?
am i floating in a dense shrouded mist?
always knew life is what you make of it
whatever it is whatever that you deemed fit
there is nothing that life is, that you don't get.
if in the beginning, isnt what is yours to beget.

Thank you xxx

I learnt for now
It’s your eyes that defines.
The greatest defense,
The greatest offense
to everything you are too afraid to face.
The character you’d be!
But you will be so lonely.

repititive loner

alone
need
cant get it
went crazy
got it
hated it
alone again
need
cant get it
went crazy
got it
hated it
alone again
...

out of range

i am disgusted by a certain kind,
there is a point i draw the line.

i distant myself out of range,
there is no hope of ever a change.

so stop making so much noise,

shut the fuck up.

become

why satan are you so alluring and beautiful.
why o lord do you sit
and hide away watching
and waiting for me?
my body and all its rebounding limbs are now foreign.
who have i become?
what monster manifestation?

Infatuation

Infatuation

We do the dance of the glance
You play with me
Or is it just me?

You are so sweet
But are you what you are
Or are you shit?

I watch myself
I freeze over
My mind races
When I’m near you.
Do you?

You are not a normal person
Cant talk to you properly.
Cant even begin.

Do you know I plan my life around you?
My every tendon and sinew
I did it for people like you.

You saw me that day
i saw you look
Deeper than the usual look

Come into my presence please
Talk to my friends again
So that I can look at you from the corner of my eyes

I need you for real
But do you even know me
I’d go crazy over a chance
to watch you live breathe and do your thing.

I drive myself mad
All these waiting for you
Made me perverse
Because of all the filler thoughts
All the filler desires

I remembered you looking
I swear you looked
What does that mean?
Or does it even mean anything
Am I ranting about an empty void of existence?
or am i just thinking too much?

I know you live far away
Don’t disappear from here
Or maybe you should
To save me from myself
For I’m a creep
And I don’t belong here.