weaklessness

this is like writing a suicide note every night.
i didn't need God this week.
again.

must be the comforts of today.
i see myself disfiguring my silhouette's facade
(a double vagueness)
in the future
as i pee-quiver at the thrill of walking on egg shells.

Praying to see Him
is in some way, totally ironic.
hillsong is starting to make me puke with nausea as today's front page depicts a pastor's singer wife lavish over golden taps she own.
some people die with no one in his arms.

I yawn at the sea of hand clappers and arm raisers
is this an all time spiritual low,
or is this an all time reality-check high?
i grasp onto the hem of Jesus'robes dear life.
so much help for something so tough makes me feel guilty.
the loss of a figure of hope to keep on living
and a pillar of inner peace
brings immense sorrow
discomfort
discontent.

When life becomes a drifty state
when the subconscious subconscience seizes to exist
you can see it in me

And you saw it.