have you ever

have you ever hated yourself for all the shit you've done to others?
have you ever owned a conscience bigger than your evil?
have you ever had a heart despite your incessant insensitivity. have you ever felt louy about yourself then hated god about it but still needing his refuge at the end of the day to sleep in peace?
have you wanted to die as fast as joy fades?
have you ever ponedered over suicide and subdued it's grasp with lust?
have you envied others and hated yourself? have you grew tired of living and breathing at 18?
have you needed to live a lie to upkeep acceptance yet believe god might not love you which ever choice you chose?

never?
fuck off.