poems 78, 79, 80

Poem #78
I love rejections at the moment.
So noble a feeling to the affected.
So bittersweet and ravaging for the soul- like a healthy exercise.
Makes life so encouragingly nauseating it makes one humane and wholesome.
So emotionally charged that to me it becomes morbidly soothing
More soothing than anything that theoretically sooths.
So sensual, it shudders.
So frustratingly liberating it makes thing very real.
I love getting disappointed.

Poem #79
Its better to be lonely
Loneliness brings no despair.
Its better to be lonely
Loneliness brings no heartbreak.
Its better to be lonely
Loneliness brings no letdown.

But loneliness brings jealousy.

But jealousy is materialism
Secular
Unnecessary.
Degradatory.

poem #80
Tortured,
I sit on the devils’ carousel
The tinkling of its melody comes to me as frightening
Stuck in unyielding rotating dizziness

Reaching down with my hands on the earth again
Grasping groping the gravel
To stop the revolutions
Turning against my will
My fingers battered and bled
And my fingernails got fleshed
I retracted my arms and moan in agony
But I jammed my arms down into the earth
With doubt yet with will power
To stop the revolutions once more
Turning against my will.

I bleed to death
Noble
Brave
Adamant
I thawed to an unknown.