rant

the anger outbursts and hatred
the killings of other's self esteem
the trashing of someone's pride
despite my immediate guilt
things still never passed my brain but out from my lips.

the addiction to a flurry of negative emotions
oh the passion and love it is to dive
into misery, pseudo self pity and suffering
allows me to sleep soundly each night.

ah the beauty in the most morbid
the sensuality in blood and brutality
of lambs and rabbits that suffer
the most painful fate...

the constant doubt pulsating through me
and oh how it lets my guard down
like a shroud of firmness and discipline had slipped loose.
i woke up shocked
at the horns i grew in the morning.

my hands still firmly tied back
unable to budge myself free
from this mental failure.

the loss really.the loss of all belief in myself
loss of all aspirations
loss of all control
loss of all hope

the flashes
anguish
sad
pain

i feel like a common animal
success no longer tingles my heart
God no longer exists in my life
friends become mere voices.