My God experience

I want to say I am truly happy. my Creative Writing class professor thoroughly enjoyed my poem and said she enjoyed it, the most generous praise she has given thus far for any sharing.

Here it is. it's an untitled poem.

My God experience
Has been a cold silence

He supposedly lives in my heart
But I only heard of His silhouette's facade

I've become a ravaging soul
In a protruding hole

I’m drowning ashore
On a dry downpour

I'm flying on the ground
I'm jumping sitting down

Praying the game of God
Hoping to be blessed by the Lord

He is emptiness fulfilled
He is loneliness curfewed

Abide for you can’t hide
Submit or burn in the heat

In Him I am a perfect error!
And us in Him, that very unique factor

And because his story transcends
The future sucks till the end.

-

I’ve been through the days I cannot sleep if I do not read the bible and pray.
I’ve been through the days I was the only one at the altar with many staring at me crying my eyes out to You.
I’ve been through the days I literally cannot stand and slain in the lightness of Your ‘presence’.
I’ve been through the days I was addicted to You.

I’ve also been through the days, days you were not there at all.
I’ve been through the days I realized I was talking to the wall.
I’ve been through the days I laugh at my ritualistic religious repertoire
I’ve been through the days I give up and don’t give a damn anymore.

Then there would be the withdrawal symptoms.
The ravaging guilt,
The soul searching,
The repenting,
The return,
The peak,
The backslide,
The indifference
and then the repeat of sequence.

-

This is not me being easy.
It is not easy being me.

This complex is not me trying to get attention.
It is me trying to get attention on this complex.